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Jesus

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A little known fact about me is that I love roller coasters.  There isn’t any coaster I’ll shy away from but in particular I like a good wooden roller coaster.  With that said, my top 3 roller coasters are obviously exclusive to woodies.

3. Thunder Run (Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom)- It’s been years since I rode this out and back coaster, but its the roller coaster of my childhood so the memories hold strong.  This wooden coaster has a great combination of hills and banked turns to leave any coaster enthusiast wanting more.  It has a nice rattle and shake to it (once a little too much), so you know its a wooden coaster.  While the initial drop is exhilirating, its the series of humpbacks towards the end of the ride that seals the deal.  Thunder Run also is the symbolic transition from old to new (or I guess now OLDER to OLD) at Kentucky Kingdom.  Taking the walkway beneath the ride takes you to the contemporary steel coasters: the stand-up Batman (it was Chang back in my day) and T2 (I’m not sure what Six Flags renamed this one), and they are simply not as good as a classic woodie.

2. The Beast (King’s Island)- Just about everything that needs to be said about this coaster is in the name.  The Beast is still the world’s longest wooden roller coaster- it covers 35 acres.  There are many things that set The Beast apart from your run-of-the-mill wooden coaster but nothing comes close to topping the counter-clockwise helix after the second chain lift.  The Beast gets going immediately as the first drop sends the riders through a tunnel and a quick second hill and drop that results in airtime.  (Dishonorable Mention: Son of Beast- This is one of those times when a sequel would have been best left alone.  Way too bumpy, jerky and fast.  Most definitely not worth the wait.)

1. The Voyage (Holiday World)- There’s nothing like the first ride on a roller coaster.  The unknown of whats to come only enhances the experience.  My first ride of The Voyage was so awesome, that I rode it 6 more times consecutively.  It hadn’t been operating early in the day so when it finally opened there were very few people in the distant area of the park The Voyage is located.  After an initial lift of 163 feet, The Voyage has enough energy for three drops of over 100 feet without the need for another lift.  Those three monstrous drops help create over 20 seconds of airtime which is a record.  In three separate rankings, The Voyage ranks as the #1 wooden coaster.  (Honorable Mention: The Raven and The Legend two other woodies at Holiday World.)

Honorable Mention (non-wooden)
- Flight of Fear (King’s Island)- In nearly complete darkness the unkown factor plays a huge role in this exciting ride which starts with you being slungshot out of the start.
- Vampire (Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom)- An homage to a ride no longer with us due to a string of problems it incurred, specifically getting stuck in the loop  (or so the story went- apparently its been recommissioned at Six Flags New England), its your traditional boomerang with three inversions.  In other words, it does the track forward and then in reverse.  Short but sweet.

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Keith

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Remember that movie Fear? It had an amazing roller coaster scene, that’s pretty much the basis for my roller coaster selections - well actually not really at all. I just wanted to bring up one of the most infamous roller coaster scenes ever.

3. Batman: The Ride (Six Flags Great America) - Alright this ride was re-produced at many many Six Flags across all of the US but the first one happened in Illinois. This was also the first steel inverted roller coaster - you know the kind where your feet dangle. It was also new around the time little Keith grew tall enough for the big time rides, so naturally this was one of his first. the ride is spectacular and its one thing to be upside down, its another to have it where you see your feet above your head. I have great memories, sure its quick and its modern and it occasionally kills people who sneak into the restricted area. But the other great thing that BATMAN did was that it introduced the concept of staging a ride in the line. They had music playing and part of the waiting was inside (out of the sun and cooler), and they made you feel like you were in a small subsection of the park - kind of like a Disney ride BUT with a cool Gotham City theme.

This post is courtesy of my iPhone while I’m starting the line for The Dark Knight - oh wait I don’t have an iPhone because while I am a nerd, I’m not the kind of nerd who waits in lines for things.

2. The Beast (King’s Island) - Well this is the top wooden roller coaster I’ve ever been on. Besides a top notch logo, it is insanely long, and just when you think you’re done with it, you gear up for stage too. Part of the appeal in any great roller coaster is the uncertainty. When you get on any of these modern mega-coasters, you have a harness over your chest, in addition to a lap bar. There is no way that you’re being separated from the car. Sure you may be going over a mile up, but you’re coming right back down super quick and you barely rise out of your seat. (You’ll notice this as a theme in my choices) On the Beast there is a lap bar and a seat belt, you move side to side and there is an honest risk the car could break down for any multitude of reasons.

I also remember reading RL Stine’s “The Beast” before I was tall enough to get on this ride. During my childhood they had “The Beastie” as well, which was great when you’re super young. It has since been re-branded. Side note, Best Goosebumps?

1. Magnum XL-200 (Cedar Point, OH) - This was already mentioned in our Staycation post - but I can’t pretend like its not my favorite. During my first ride it was the highest roller coaster in the world and it was just insane. You had a perfect view of Lake Eerie on the long ride up and all the sudden - ITS ON! Much like the Beast - all you get is a lap bar and a seat belt. If you’re smart you leave a few inches when they come by to check your bar and then on that first hill you’re all the way out of your seat with your arms up. Sure it lacks the appeal of a wooden coster, you don’t have a headache after riding it and there aren’t any bumps to help you reach orgasm - but wow its a great ride to me.

Honorable Mention:

I won’t be mentioning any water rides here - they’re not roller coaster and they get your socks wet and then your socks stay wet all damn day and it fucking sucks.

I like creativity and originality and its hard to find. Most of these referenced are not the first of their kind just the best one I remember of a particular genre.

Mantis - Cedar Point - Stand Up variety - kind of rides up on you like a bicycle seat but still amazing.

Mr. Freeze - Six Flags St. Louis - This ride slingshots you from 0-70MPH in 3.8 seconds and sends you straight up at one point, then you run back through the ride backwards. This was the only ride I remember from Six Flags St. Louis as I was in serious trouble from one of the most infamous moments of my life to this point - that’s another story for another day.

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In Closing

Finally if you have not checked out the new photos of our bar Katrina - check them out here. I say our but clearly Jesus has taken possession of it and done great work, just wait till he starts getting my angry text messages and demand for a custody trial.

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Where’s the best place to grab a beer? What’s the best game to catch on campus? Where’s the best lecture hall? All those questions and many more will be answered over the course of this feature. Each week you’ll find a ranking right here at CadaverBlender and a different ranking at Guide to Campus later in the week. If you went to UIUC or if you just made a few visits as a guest please chime in with your own favorites. If you have no connection to UIUC feel free to list your favorite memory of the topic at hand from your time at college. So without further ado, lets get to it.

Okay, so Cheap Kegs aren’t specific to UIUC, but they are most definitely quintessential to the college experience. And ultimately one keg in particular (as you’ll see) holds a special spot in CadaverBlender’s collective heart.

Guide to Campus (Rick)

3. Ice House

Cheap beer with more alcohol per volume? Screw the taste buds and goodbye brain cells! Ice House is typically one of the cheapest kegs you can find (a theme of my Top 3 list) and with more alcohol per volume, you can be certain that you will be good to go after your first three or four cups. If you are throwing the party, you will also get more bang for your buck and you can think twice about having to have to fork over another $50 for that second keg. Complete your party by providing some Everclear and maximize the alcohol intake!

2. Miller High Life

Barring any Kelly Miller references, High Life arguably has the most taste of the cheap beers. If only that funny black man on the commercials would show up to the parties where the High Life is present! He’d be good for a few laughs for sure.

1. Old Style

Go Cubs Go! I’m really just hoping that the creepy author (Keith) sees this entry and gives some props. This is more of a seasonal favorite, but when the Cubs are winning, no other keg tops it.

CadaverBlender (Keith)

3. You Don’t Need A Keg

As far as cheap kegs go, I only recommend two (see below). I highly recommend getting something not at the bottom of the price list (ie. miller or bud light). Chances are you aren’t willing to spend that much on some random strangers especially if there is no reasonable occasion - for instance a birthday. No no for the random strangers I recommend just throwing together a batch of Jungle Juice. What’s great about Jungle Juice? Well first off girls will use it to get drunk. Second off girls will use it to get drunk. Beyond that you have great opportunities for flavors … Orange, Fruit Punch, Blue, Green. The list goes on - just for the love of god don’t make grape (Jesus- NOT EVER GRAPE!). If you’re sick of Jungle Juice and need something unique - I highly suggest Strip and Go Naked. I first had this drink during Unofficial courtesy of Old Man. I honestly plan on making it again in the future, perhaps if not just to surprise guests at its ingredients. Because the parts of that Unofficial I remember were classic.

2. Keystone Light

I went to lots of parties featuring this and it was my king of cheapies. There were weekends Jesus and I went through a brick or two of these babies and it never stopped us from getting more the next weekend. Keystone Light is great because it goes down like water and if you spill some or waste it playing a game no one can really get mad, its not like you wasted good beer. One of my best memories of Keystone was a party thrown by Shears’ frat. Shears was a good friend and often brought us to good parties. Well on this occasion it was brutally cold out, record breaking cold - ask Jesus for the number (Jesus- Pushing negative 40 with the wind chill). Well anyway I remember finally getting in side and letting myself thaw up, but naturally I needed to put on my beer coat. Shears handed me a Keystone, and it was well slightly too warm. I remember thinking - wow I’m about to complain about free beer, all I kept saying was “What the fuck shears, you can’t get beer cold on a night like this with the natural assist? What the fuck!”

1. Old Style Light

This is a sentimental choice. First off - I miss having Old Style as it does not get distributed on the East Coast. I would probably only drink it in the summer and very occasionally if we had it but I still miss it. Old Style Light is a mix of a good light beer with a little bit of flavor. Its always towards the bottom of the list and its always in stock. What’s more important - it ties into one of the greatest stories ever. I won’t go into too much detail but during the last day of freshman year we snuck a keg into our dorm. It was a great accomplishment and documented in these photos.

So what’s your cheap keg of choice?

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Best Patriotic Songs!

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#3

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Jesus - You’re a Grand Old Flag - Listen to this song and try not to hum along.  It’s impossible.  The song is so infectious.  And how can you go wrong with a song that includes the lyrics, “Any tune like Yankee Doodle/Simply sets me off my noodle”.  The song even manages to describe itself, “It’s that patriotic something that no one can understand”.  The moment I hear this song I can’t but help scream, “America, FUCK YEAH!”  What a great flag we have.  More great lyrics, “I’m no cranky hanky panky/I’m a dead square, honest Yankee”.  USA! USA! USA! Red, white and blue!

Keith -  50 Nifty United States - Alright you might be thinking, this isn’t a patriotic tune at all. You’re probably right, but how many of you can name all 50 states? Their capitals? Watch the video (or maybe another one thats slightly more polished). I’m not really confident most people can do it. Each individual state deserves a bow … Shout ‘Em, Scout ‘Em, Tell All About Them! Honestly this might be the most hoorah of all the songs on the list. On a side note, searching youtube for 50 Nifty United States is probably a pedophiles dream. How many retarded parents think its a great idea to film their kid singing and post it on the internet, maybe next you can start a myspace for them?

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#2

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Jesus - God Bless the USA- As a young child during Desert Storm I have a few vivid memories: night bombing of Iraq (looked like fireworks), Stormin Norman Schwarzkopf, and of course Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” (sometimes called “Proud to be an American”).  It did well on the country charts following its release in 1984, but only became mainstream with widespread radio play during the Gulf War.  If I’m taking a patriotic song that has some God blessing going on in it, its definitely this classic.  While second verse takes on the pastoral feel of “This Land is Your Land”, this is a song about the battles that have been fought to keep America free.  This song oozes patriotism (almost to the point of “I’m better than you!”).

Keith -  God Bless America - While I agree that this song has been slightly overused since 9/11 I think its still one of the rare tunes that ties so deeply into American culture that I can’t avoid recognizing it. I secretly like it just as much as the national anthem … Its a somewhat easier song to sing and less lyrics to remember. Sometimes I think when they wrote The Star Spangled Banner they did not realize that nearly 25% of America is retarded (Ref: South Park). I do agree the song should be reserved for patriotic days and moments not baseball games, the 7th Inning is for Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

Did I link to a Canadian singing the tune? Absolutely! Who has more passion for American patriotism than a Canadian!

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#1

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Jesus - This Land is Your Land - Here’s an interesting fact that some of you may not know about this folk song.  It was written by Woody Guthrie as a “Hey, fuck you!” to Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America”.  And you know me, I can’t pass on a good “Hey, fuck you!”.  A version that I particularly like is the live recording by Bruce Springsteen.  Not overtly patriotic, the song gracefully describes the geographical splendors of this vast nation in a voice written for Everyman.  “God Bless America” attempts to do the same, but it comes across with a hoighty-toighty attitude (and having to hear it ad nauseum post 9/11- EVEN DURING THE 7TH INNING STRETCH- has made it impossible to enjoy).

Keith - Stars and Stripes Forever! - This could have been nearly any John Phillips Sousa march in the top spot for me. Nothing like a rousing march to get patriotic juice flowing. I have some very fond memories of this song, during a short stint in band - Junior High  (the Twisters don’t worry on another day I’ll rant on having an animated Tornado as your mascot). Talk about a solid closer though, no one who has American blood in them can resist a live performance of this song. It makes you want to get up and cheer and forget about all of the fucked up things going on in this country. Oh yeah, last but not least its the National March of the United States.

Honorable Mention: “Hail to the Chief”, “Fanfare of the Common Man”, “Taps”, “Our Country” - Who’s Country is this?

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Best Cookout Foods

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Jesus

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3. Hamburger- Again, simple, but thats what cookouts are supposed to be.  I don’t need some fancy or exoctic food to enjoy my cookout.  Fire up the grill (charcoal, thats the only way to grill) and toss some 1/3 lb. patties on there.  And then theres to toppings (I like my burgers dressed, thank you): lettuce, tomatoe, cheese, onion, pickles, so on and so forth.  Put that all together on a toasted bun and you have yourself a real, tasty, American meal.

2. Watermelon- It sounds simple, I know, but a ripe, juicy watermelon is about as American as it gets for me (more so than apple pie).  Playing on the fact that Independence Day is generally a hot and humid day in Louisville, a refreshing slice of watermelon is a perfect way to cool down.  It’s appeal may also be tied to how little I eat watermelon.  Don’t get me wrong, I love watermelon, but its not like an apple that I can just pick up and eat.  Nope, eating watermelon requires a lot of work (well worth it if you have the time), and generally I like other people to do the work.  And with all those seeds, who knows when the conditions will be right for a watermelon to grow in my stomach.

1. Mississippi Mud- Just like the beef brisket served at Christmas Eve, Mississippi Mud is served only once a year- at the 4th of July cookout.  Imagine the best cookie, brownie, cake, and dessert you’ve ever had, and that’s Mississippi Mud.  The combination of chocolate, marshmallow, nuts, and more chocolate is almost too sweet to eat, but its not.  There’s no doubt that its a great dessert, but I think some of its lasting appeal may be that fact that the only time I have it is July 4th.  There’s no better way to finish the 4th of July cookout then by stuffing yourself with a huge piece of Mississippi.

Honorable Mention: beer (I know its a drink, but its still a cookout requirement)

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Keith

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3. Corn on the Cob - I don’t eat that much corn during the year, I don’t add it to my burrito at Chipotle, and in general if its creamed I can’t stand it. I have a weakness for corn on the cob though, especially when it is grilled just perfectly. It works with plenty of foods, requires diligent flossing afterwards - but thats all worth it when you can try and balance the corn on your weak paper plate as you pile on an extra serving of jello, baked beans, and whatever else seems like a great idea at the barbeque. The corn absolutely must be fresh. Oh yeah - I’m already sick of jokes about this study.

2. Pickles - Well this is a very personal pick, but for years my family grew lots of pickles and cucumbers every year. Lots of good memories because many meals included ultra fresh cucumbers that were very delicious. Even our dog, Leila, would steal the pickles and enjoy them - very strange to watch a dog devour cucumbers on a daily basis. Well what made the crop even better was when my Grandma would mix together a brine, let them sit for a few days or weeks (I can’t remember the time frame) and deliver back some delicious pickles. I remember loving these, she would even seal some in a mason jar so you could enjoy them into the fall. This is almost turning into a post of my favorite fallen foods.

1. Hot Dogs - Specifically Chicago Style - Wow this is one thing I desperately miss from the Chicago area, a nice hot dog with proper toppings. Mustard, Onion, Sweet Pickle Relish, Dill Pickle Spear, Tomato Wedges, Sport Peppers and Celery Salt and of course NO FUCKING KETCHUP. I also enjoyed a nice grilled hot dog, where the casing gets a bit crunchy. Legend has it that I eat far too many of these. I’d rather that instead of me rambling on about hot dogs you just enjoy one this weekend for me. Well either that or let it float down the curb for your homie who can’t seem to find anything decent on the East Coast.

Honorable Mention: Ice Cream!

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Keith

5. Da Boom- This episode is pretty bad. But you probably know why its on the list, you might even hate the reason why its on the list. So how did Peter start the mythical fight with a Giant Chicken. Well Peter went to buy some chicken and the Giant Chicken gave him an expired coupon. That was all they needed because they began an extended fight sequence that was almost an homage to every bad action movie you’ve ever seen. The fights start randomly, and the characters continue on afterwards as if nothing happened. And even when you think the Chicken is near dead … he winks and you know he’ll be back.

4. Running Mates- “Help Me Beat My Wife!” - Peter naturally wants to defend his favorite teacher from High School and sees the perfect opportunity when she runs for school board. Unfortunately for Peter - Lois supports the decision. Well Peter wins the election by playing hilarious dirty politics, all the signs say VOTE GRIFFIN and its just a great episode. Some of the best scenes are when Peter thinks Chris is going at himself, but then realizes he’s playing pattle ball… then takes his pattle ball away and the sound continues. Or when Peter recollects to when girls start growing boobs and they all popped up … then his popped up.

3. If I’m Lyin’, I’m Dyin’- We’ve all had great TV series that got cancelled during what we considered their prime. Family Guy is probably the perfect example and almost foreshadowed its own demise in this episode. Peter and Chris have a favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, where the Gumbel brothers fight crime and interrogate / interview suspects they catch. The greatest part about it was watching the series, I thought to myself is CBS / NBC really above this kind of show? The show then goes down an unexpected route and Peter is faced with six plagues. “Its as if someone stabbed Mr. Bubble” “I’m just a big fake, like the Moon Landing, and Marky Mark’s hog in Boogie Nights. And Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman–I don’t mean that completely untrue gay rumor, they’re just both really phony.”

2. Wasted Talent- A nice little Parody of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory easily tops my list as the best episode of Family Guy. I’m a sucker for well done parody songs and these were just hilarious. Right or wrong I usually judge my Family Guy episodes by the number of hilarious random moments. For me I couldn’t stop laughing when Peter shoos away the Great Gazoo, Death re-appears at a Frat Party, or Stewie requesting the Incredible Hulk music. When I went to see the most recent Incredible Hulk movie and they kept using that music I kept thinking of the scene in this episode … damn you Family Guy. This is one of those shows that vastly changed as it got syndicated. The censors at other networks weren’t nearly as liberal making the DVDs extremely valuable.

1. When You Wish Upon a Weinstein- This episode was the 50th episode of Family Guy and it never originally aired on TV until they started playing episodes on Cartoon Network. I ended up downloading it but I can’t remember where from. I totally understood why this episode didn’t quite make it on FOX - It was super hilarious and super offensive. The episode makes fun of classic sales pitches, truisms from childhood (you can’t function in the real world without math), Star Wars (Lasik), and Lifetime Network. Oh yeah … and probably one of the best random references … as Peter is learning about the correlation between being successful and Jewish he notes “WHAT? OPTIMUS PRIME?!? HE’S JEWISH?” “You better watch who you’re calling a child Lois. Because if I’m a child, that makes you a pedophile and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be lectured by a pervert!”

Jesus

5. Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington- Whenever you parody a Schoolhouse Rock video than you are doing something right. The toy factory where Peter works is taken over by El Darodo Cigarette Company and starts making toys to promote underage smoking. When Peter goes to complain he is promoted to president and the perks make the family forget about the underage smoking. To get Congress on their side, El Darodo sends Peter to communicate with them and manages to convince them simply by saying “Come on.” However once Stewie starts smoking, Peter decides not to do what the company sent him to Washington for. I laugh every time during the Dick Armey gag. “You and who’s army?” “Dick Armey.”

4. PTV- So all of Family Guy isn’ crap. This episode was nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Animated Programming. Peter misses the Emmys while at Meg’s school play and misses David Hyde Pierce’s “trouser malfunction” and a “moment in television history”. The incident leads to the FCC and its Chairman, Cobra Commander to censor TV. In responce Peter starts his on network and airs programs such as, “Dogs Humping” and “The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour”. Lois reports Peter to the FCC and they come to town and censor all of Quahog. They use black censor bars after Peter steps out of the shower and air horns to drown out farts. The ban is eventually lifted when Peter lobby’s Washington to change the rules because most of the cities buildings resemble body parts. The best part may be the sex that has to take places as follows: “no moaning, no tongue-kissing, no thrusting–no movement whatsoever.

3. The Son Also Draws- Anything gets bonus points when it can include some version of Harry Chapin’s “The Cat’s in the Cradle”. There are so many great things going for this episode. On the way New York to get Chris back in the scouts, Peter pulls off to use the restroom (a montage of roadside signs about “pooping” appear at this point) and ends up at an Indian casino. As he races to the restroom he yells, “I don’t know Lois I think its going to be a photo finish”. On the way out he finds Lois addicted to gambling and she’s lost the car. He tries to convince the tribal leaders he is an Indian, his great grandfather was Chief Grand Cherokee, and therefore deserves a cut of the casino profits. Meg convinces Chris to go with Peter on his visions quest, where they see the Fonz and manage to get the car back. But the best part of the episode may be at the end. The show ends with a parody of NBC’s “The More You Know” including Stewie telling us, “The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich, cultural heritage.”

2. Chitty Chitty Death Bang- What’s there not to like about a good cult? Meg’s inability to make friends is brought to the forefront in this episode when she unknowingly joins a cult to have friends. Peter screws up royally by canceling Stewie’s first birthday at Cheesie Charlie’s but manages to redirect a circus to the backyard to make up for. All this is going on while Stewie suspects the man is white is coming to take him back to the womb. The man is white turns out to be the cult leader (John O’Hurley guest appearance) who comes looking for Meg after she fails to drink the Kool-Aid during the cult’s mass suicide and returns to celebrate Stewie’s birthday. The best line goes something like this. “I want my nads back.”

1. Da Boom- Two words: Giant Chicken. That’s right. Da Boom is the debut of Ernie the Giant Chicken with whom Peter has an epic battle because of an expired coupon. Of course the fued between Ernie and Peter is now a running gag. While the Giant Chicken fight is classic, the episode doesn’t live on this gag. To protect the family from a possible disaster Peter tells the family to go in the basement because what they always wanted is down there. Stewie asks, “A dead Lois?” After the Y2K apocalypse, Peter eats an entire years worth of dehydrated food and then balloons up after taking a sip of water. Peter orders everybody out of the room saying, “Everyone leave. I gotta poop. NOW!” Without food the family travels to a Twinkie factory where they set up New Quahog. As head of the new town Peter has everybody draw out of a hat for their profession. The whole episode is laugh out loud funny.

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#5

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Jesus: Fenway Park (Boston Redsox)- Like Wrigley Field, Fenway Park and it’s “Green Monster” is a national treasure. The oldest park in Major League Baseball, the parks location creates some interesting design quirks, particularly the 37 foot wall in left field. Right-enter field is also huge, stretching 420 feet to a sharp point but its countered with the shortest right field porch in all the Major League, just 302 feet to Pesky’s Pole. It’s hard to remember a time when there weren’t seats above the “Green Monster”, but they were only installed in 2003. It’s the perfect park for the city of Boston.

Keith: RFK Stadium (former Washington Nationals)- If you’ve ever been to RFK you’re probably calling me ‘fucking retarded’ right now. But give me a second to defend the place. I’ve seen quite a few games there for $5. Naturally we got suckered into $6 beer but I always had a good time at the park. Last year I saw Cubs @ Nats on the 4th of July for $9 per seat in some good left field seats, try getting a holiday game at Wrigley for less than the price of your first born. It is super exciting to have the game reasonably accessible to even average fans. I haven’t been to the new stadium but I hear some good things - well other than the fact that its a pain in the ass to get to compared to RFK. I like the franchise, its young and its moving in the right direction (no where but up right?). The stadium was definitely past its prime but one too many people focused on the modern amenities as opposed to the natural charm it had. I’d also like to note this was by far the easiest park in the world to do a personal upgrade in. I do remember one time we went in and I refused to let anyone read their ticket, we just plopped wherever and never got challenged.

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#4

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Jesus: Miller Park (Milwaukee Brewers)- The greatest drawback of Miller Park may also be one of its strengths. The park is located in the middle of a sea of parking lots, but that aids nicely to the pre-game tailgating that takes place in earnest before the game. Theres no denying my love of beer, but the fastest I may have ever consumed a case of beer (with a group of friends or just Keith) is in the parking lot at Miller Park. I’m talking like 3 minutes a beer and no bongs or shotguns were involved. It was already a few innings into the game, so we had to hurry. Things you gotta love about Miller Park: awesome retractable roof (engineering masterpiece), window in right field, the homerun slide and of course the SAUSAGE RACE!

Keith: Fenway Park- This will be the only park on my list that I haven’t officially visited … but I have some respect for it and I’m planning on visit before the end of this season or at the latest early next season. I used to love being able to commiserate with BoSox fans, we were both loveable losers. Well two World Series later and one of the only parks more famous than Wrigley and I’m naturally a bit curious. I don’t necessarily love the Green Monster but I think its unique and it adds character. It loses points for its fans’ annoying accents.

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#3

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Jesus: Wrigley Field (Chicago Cubs)- There’s no need for a new retro stadium when you’ve played in the same stadium for over 90 years. “The Friendly Confines” known for its ivy-clad outfield walls, is tucked neatly into a city block. The charm of Wrigley Field is the fact that it doesn’t pretend to be a super-duper amenity-laden new stadium. Heck, they didn’t even install lights until 1988. They only recently added advertisements to the walls. You don’t even have to enter the stadium for a great view, try the rooftop bleachers across the street. Homeruns regularly land on Waveland Ave. That of course is dependent on which way the crazy winds are blowing. The only thing it lacks, is a wortwhile view. I don’t like the Cubs, but there is no way not to cherish Wrigley Field.

Keith: Oriole Park at Camden Yards (Baltimore Orioles)- There’s lots to love about this stadium. First off they opted for a retro feel as opposed to a concrete jungle. Second the park is right near the Inner Harbor and it is really a part of the city the same way Wrigley is. There is something that makes you feel like you’re in an oasis in the middle of a busy city. I generally like visiting Baltimore so thats another plus. This stadium also set off a trend that is helping baseball become revived as a sport. Making stadiums accessible, classic and fun brings in the fans, mixing modern amenities with a classic field. I was really hoping the Cubs would draw the Orioles on the road as opposed to home this year, oh well. I’ll have to go just cause, the trick is to avoid the Boston and New York fans.

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#2

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Jesus: Petco Park (San Diego Padres)- Camden Yards isn’t the only HOK designed stadium to incorporate a building. Hugging the left field corner at Petco Park is the Western Metal Supply Co. which houses teams offices and rooftop seats all while serving as the foul “pole”. The outfield is served by the “Park at the Park” which allows fans a view of the game for $5. At Petco Park the entirety of the concourse is open to the field, allowing fans to walk around the stadium without missing a play. Most of the fans are afforded a view of the Bay and San Diego’s cityscape beyond leftcenter field in this not entirely retro but very much southern California park.

Keith: Miller Park- Even before we had decided on this topic I was having a discussion on the value of Miller Park. Its hard to believe that some people hate it, sure the traffic sucks and I never like going into Wisconsin but surprisingly I have a good time almost every time I’m in that state. So heres what is great about Miller Park, its like a compliment to Wrigley in many ways, or as Chip Caray might call it “Wrigley Field North.” For every game they have a ridiculous park with amazing tailgate. Sometimes we even have such a good time it makes for a tough decisions to go into the park. The park itself is pretty nice, I wouldn’t say there are many bad seats in the park and even when you climb half a mile up you feel like you’re close to the action. I love the slide and the food … I love the fact that Jesus once yelled profane things at Corey Patterson - just because. Lots of great memories here.

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#1

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Jesus: Camden Yards (Baltimore Orioles)- Surprisingly, or maybe not, other than Louisville Slugger Field (home to Red’s Triple A Affliate Louisville Bats) I’ve seen more baseball games at Camden Yards than any other stadium. Maybe that’s the reason it tops my list, or maybe its the fact that its a damn fine stadium. Unfortunately not even an awesome stadium can bring the fans to watch such an awful team. The first of the throwback stadiums, HOK’s first design for Camden Yards wasn’t the gem it turned out to be. Located in downtown Baltimore, the stadium incorporates the B&O Warehouse beyond right field and allows a view of the downtown through centerfield. Eutaw Street between the warehouse and the stadium serves as a nice plaza and collector for homerun balls.

Keith: Wrigley Field- Picking anything other than Wrigley Field for #1 would have been wrong. Well first off its home to my favorite team, so that obviously scores some points in my book. I don’t have to explain why this field is an icon, you already know about that. Its called the Friendly Confines. Every 20 years or so the Cubs play into the fall and the Ivy is dead exposing the amazing brick walls. Sure occasionally concrete falls or the team happens to be a stinker but besides being beautiful Wrigley Field has an unreal atmosphere. No matter the score, the bleachers are going nuts. More than a few times during my college career people would complain to me about the party atmosphere. They’d say people only go there to party and get wasted. I’m sure some people do that, but really are you going to argue with me that its a bad idea to get drunk and watch baseball, because if you are we really have nothing in common. So for the history, the ambience and the atmosphere Wrigley will probably always be head and shoulder above anything else in my mind.

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Honorable Mentions

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Jesus: AT&T Park (San Francisco Giants), PNC Park (Pittsburgh Pirates- best view of any park), Progressive/formerly Jacobs Field (Cleveland Indians- can you see the HOK influences)

Keith: PNC Park - looks beautiful, and has that perfect sky line, Citizens Bank Ballpark (Philadelphia Phillies) - I won’t stay around Philly for long, but I will catch one game and perhaps a cheesesteak, Minute Maid Park (Houston Astros) - Ok I just want to visit Enron Field, watch someone bust up their knee on the dumb hill and maybe see the train fall off its tracks.

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Dishonorable Mentions

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Jesus: U.S. Cellular Field (Chicago White Sox- can I have Comiskey back), McAfee Coliseum (Oakland Athletics- Mt. Davis, man I love concrete), Shea Stadium (New York Mets- Okay, I do love the Mets Magic Top Hat)

Keith: Shea Stadium, Yankee Stadium (New York Yankees), Dolphin Stadium (Florida Marlins)

So where do you love watching a baseball game?

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Jesus:

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Nightswimming- R.E.M
This song hits particularly close to home now that summers aren’t what they used to be.  A lot of my favorite memories of summer, both long ago and more recent, involve nightswimming.  Quiet night.  Moon shining.  Peaceful.  But with summers now consisting of more work and less play, the longing and nostalgic gaze of Nightswimming’s lyrics makes it a quintessential summer song.  Summer is supposed to be a time of freedom and innocence but most of that is lost when summer fades to fall.  As the lyrics remind us, “September’s coming soon”.

Boys of Summer- Don Henley
Like “Nightswimming” this song is very reflective of summer coming to a close.  Boys of Summer is Henley waxing poeticly about his summer fling.  He’s trying to convince not only his fling, but himself, that its more than a summer thing and even with the return to a less relaxed and more structured schedule they’ll be able to remain together.  The songs vivid imaginery of all things summer and the infectious beat make it a must have for any summer mix.  (Note: The Ataris remake of this classic is not so bad.  But I’ll take the original.)  See also: Anything but Mine- Kenny Chesney

Down on the Corner- Creedence Clearwater Revival
CCR’s library is loaded with plenty of songs to put on your summer mix, but Down on the Corner does it for me.  Its impossible to refrain from tapping your feet during this song.  The band even encourages you to “bring a nickel, tap your feet”.  Maybe its just me, but I can just imagine this actually happening: a group of musicians getting together on a street corner on a nice summer evening and just playing for those passing by.  The song evokes the laziness and joys of summer.

Summer in the City- The Lovin’ Spoonful
This song chronicles the transition of the city from a hot dead place during the heat of the day to a bustling, happening place once the sun goes down.  The song could be about plenty of cities across the world, but sometimes I feel like Louisville is the city from the song.  During the day its almost too unbearable to do anything but hang out in the pool, but once the sun goes down everybody comes out to enjoy all the various summer activities the city has to offer.

In the Summertime- Mungo Jerry
Like the rest of the songs, this song is about the carefree days of summer.  Maybe the most catchy of the bunch, you can’t not be happy when this song plays.  For those whom have seen Wedding Crashers there is no better song they could have picked during the scene this song plays.  What other song do you find such thought out lyrics, “Sing along with us dee dee dee dee dee, da da da da da, yeah we’re hap-pap-py”?

Summertime Blues- Eddie Cochran
“I’ma gonna raise a fuss, I’ma gonna raise a holler.  About working all summer to try to earn a dollar”.  Yep, that’s what summer has come to- summertime blues.  Theres nothing worse than sitting in an office all day, staring out the window to the awesome day that is passing.

Other Songs

Just About Anything- Beach Boys
Black Water- Doobie Brothers
Sittin on the Dock of the Bay- Otis Redding
Night Moves- Bob Seger

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Keith:

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I should mention that I love a lot of Jesus’ songs. I really wanted to fight him over a few of them like Mungo Jerry or Lovin’ Spoonful. Unfourtunately the way these songs ended up in my iTunes was usually me going “hey jesus, you know that song from Wedding Crashers?” or “hey jesus you know that song that goes “hot town summer city pretty girls” and he would quickly be like sure, you want me to send it over aim? So I thought they really belong in his list. And I had this great plan to include the Ataris version of Boys of Summer - but he ruined that by not exactly admitting he liked it, but acknowledging it.

40 oz to Freedom - Sublime
Much like Jesus’ mention of CCR, there are plenty of  Sublime songs that work as great summer songs. I considered putting in Santeria and Caress Me Down but I ended up on 40oz to Freedom. This song is about waking up, drinking, hanging out with your friends, hooking up, passing out - rinse and repeat. Personally I can’t imagine a better summer. This song is probably an ode to addiction as evident by the idea that booze will set you free … then again we’re the same folks that snuck booze into the Kentucky Derby via sammich.

Hotel California - Gypsy Kings
Por el camino del desierto. This was the perfect way for me to enjoy an Eagles song without the Eagles. Its got that spicy latin flavor and lyrics I only kind of understand but for some reason I love it. It also helps me practice my spanish, the same way 99 Luftballons helped me master german. Where’s my XX and burrito?

Go Cubs Go! - Steve Goodman
During last season they started playing Go Cubs Go! after Cubs wins at Wrigley. So naturally this song invokes good feelings when I hear it. For a short time last season I had it as a ringtone but the cubbies suddenly started losing. I immediately removed the ringtone and things went back to good. I don’t know how many teams have personalized winning tunes but this one is a great way to remember its summer and the Cubs are probably playing right now, the real question is why you’re reading this blog right now?

Rock Show - Blink 182
I couldn’t wait for the summer at the warped tour! Talk about one of the best things to do during the summer. Go to a big concert - not just one big act, goto a festival with multiple stages. Its a great way to discover new music and listen to some new bands. You can dance and go nuts in the pit, sweat out a shirt or just do whatever. The only thing is that most of the time nobody sounds amazing at an outdoor venue the same way they sound in a club. I also considered Dammit or Wha’ts my Age Again? - definitely better Blink songs but this one felt the most summer-ish to me.

I Can See For Miles - The Who
Now this is my pick for the song to drive around with. Sure it won’t compete with the Escalade next to you blasting Lil’ Wayne but wow what a great attitude to adopt for the summer. It starts off kind of slow and just builds and builds. According to Wikipedia Paul McCartney called it the “heaviest” song he’d ever heard. I’ll be 100% honest to you I don’t really understand what that means and I’m not super confident I could having never done anything psychadelic.

Arizona Stand - Lucky Boys Confusion
I’m sure there were maybe a few people expecting multiple entries from this band on my list. I’m not that crazy but this is one of my favorite bands - they never really got famous but oh well (Our friend Rick recommends Hey Driver). Arizona Stand is basically a tune about partying and getting high in Arizona. For some reason I have this strong correlation between summer and partying. In this case the song alludes to the fact that good times don’t last forever - the same way that summer has to end.

Other Songs:
Stacey’s Mom - Fountains of Wayne - alright I’d like to hook up with a MILF poolside, sorry thats a dream.
School’s Out - Alice Cooper - summer can’t start until school is out.
Gin & Juice - Snoop Dog OR The Electric Gords - again that whole partying / summer correlation
Tiny Bubbles - Don Ho - Tiny bubbles make me warm all over!

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Five:

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Jesus: Clock Game- This is one of the few games that you cannot play along with at home, and yet, its one of the most entertaining to watch.  The rules are simple but the execution of the game is rarely very successful.  Contestants excitedly yelling prices are often unintelligible while Drew Carey struggles telling them which direction the price really is, higher or lower.  Lately Drew has called for a “time-out” so he knows the last price the contestant yelled, and I’ve even seen them give away a prize despite not being real sure if the contestant gave the right price.  Madness at its best.

Keith: Flip Flop - You might notice this as a theme in my choices … but I like the games that are relatively simple … more of a coin flip than real skill. Flip flop is a great game because you have three choices, and they tell you that the posted price is not correct. You can flip one, flip the other, or flip both. That’s 33% odds for a blind and deaf guy … want to improve the odds? Just hit the button that reveals the price and wait for the host to flip out.

Four:

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Jesus: It’s in the Bag- Just one of many games suited for the college student.  With a chance to win $16,000 the contestant must successfully place the correct product (most often grocery items) in the bag with the correct price.  Choosing only 5 of 6 items shown, the payout for each correct bag (starting at $1000) doubles but a wrong placement leaves the contestant with no money.  The ultimate risk vs. reward, take the money or go for broke.  It requires no luck.  Its all based on your knowledge of regular household items.

Keith: Plinko - sure this is probably cliche. No game requires less skill. I really prefer a contestant that uses the audience a little bit but also uses a little of their own mind. Being a whore to the crowd maybe be a high percentage move but come on … you’re playing the game not all the loud mouths yelling NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don’t hate Drew Carey doing the show as much as I expected I would.

Three:

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Jesus: Cliff Hangers- Who doesn’t like watching a small mechanical mountain climber scale the mountain getting precariously close to falling off with each dollar off the retail price?  Oh yeah and there is some seriously addictive yodelling music to accompany the climber’s movement.  Shown three items contestants must guess the actual retail price of the items and for each dollar they are wrong the climber moves an equal amount of spaces.  Picking one item at a time, the suspense builds to an ultimate climax when the climber will either survive or fall off the mountain (It’s even more suspenseful if you’re not good at math and can’t determine what’s going to happen before the climber moves).

Keith: Hitting Adam Sandler - While not technically a price is right game, it is a desire for anyone who sat through Little Nicky, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, Click, The Longest Yard or the superclassic Spanglish. I would actually fly to California and jump up and down like an idiot with the rest of the audience if I could have a free shot at Sandler. I don’t even hate the guy, I find Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison funny, and even Zohan was pretty good … but come on theres a reason I just recently ended my 9 year drought of seeing Sandler movies.

Two:

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Jesus: Pathfinder- This game gets mega props simply for the game board its played on.  It also takes knowledge of car pricing, but not nearly as much as my #1 game.  Standing on the first number of the car, contestants are surrounded by a sea of numbers and must correctly navigate the path of the correct price by either stepping right, left, foward, or backward.  However with a misstep contestants get up to 3 more chances by selecting the correct price of an item shown.

Keith: Cliff Hangers - I judge a game by how entertaining the actual game is and how well it builds up disappointment. Its always great when someone approaches the top of the mountain. They have their fingers crossed hoping he stops … hoping … waiting … BAM he dies. Have I seen people blow their load on the first guess? Definitely. Have I seen it stop at 25? Hell Yeah.

The Yodelling Guy is fucking hilarious.

Numero Uno:

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Jesus: Lucky $even- This is the ultimate game.  As you may have noticed I did not include any games that involve much luck, if any at all.  All the games require some to extensive knowledge of actual retail prices.  There is no mercy with Lucky $even.  There are no small prizes to save you.  You either win the car or you don’t.  With seven dollars in hand, and one dollar necessary to purchase the car, contests must successfully guess the last four digits in the price of the car.  One off base guess, and you’re practically ruined.  You have to know a focus is a $15,000 car and not a $19,000 car.

Keith: Shell Game - We at CadaverBlender do extreme research before writing these posts. Actually we were supposed to have this written yesterday but I spent too much time reading wikipedia about the games and watching all the YouTube results from “Price is Right Cheater”. The most famous cheater cheated at the Shell Game. Watch the clip. The best part about it at the end is when Barker turns on the sarcasm and really lays it in deep. “Ohhh this is exciting now … you’ve ruined my show … you’ve ruined my game … but everyone knows the damn thing is not there - its here!”

Remember to spay and neuter your children.

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Three:

Keith: Old Style - I’m pretty confident my first beer was Old Style. I was mowing the lawn and my dad was working on something else in the yard. He had an old style set out on the chimney, and I sort of grabbed it and took down about half of it. He was a bit surprised and asked if I liked it. I think I said it was alright. Either way I can totally remember the sweaty can and the refreshing nature of that half a beer. This totally sounds like a horrible beer commercial … have to love the underage drinking. Well actually in my life to this point, a large majority of my total time spent drinking has been underage. Oh yeah and the keg we snuck into the dorms was Old Style Light, in case you don’t remember Lucy just think … it was about FOUR YEARS AGO! HOLY CRAP!!!! Oh yeah … go Cubs.

Jesus: Anything but Coors or Busch- While Summer Ale and 312 are both delightfully wonderful, when it comes to drinking outside (my #1 favorite activity when the weather is right) the only thing I need is nice weather and beer. Well any beer besides Coors or Busch. And I’d prefer if it were in a bottle, but again, all I need is the beer. It can be a Smithwicks. It can be a Red Hook Blonde Ale. It can be a Budweiser. Just set up a game of cornhole and pop the tops. Its summer beer.

Two:

Keith: XX - Also a story from the country club. I was working on a Fiesta for the Kitchen staff naturally because our kitchen staff was largely hispanic. My boss hosted a ‘fiesta’ at his house every year for them. I was tasked with figuring out the menu and my boss scribbled down what he expect for beer and food. I walked around with a clipboard that said BEER - CORONA? and nearly every person requested Dos Equis over Corona … well I love mexican beers the same way I love mexican food. This beer is available all year round but its truly delicious during the summer … oh yeah and it doesn’t need any fruit. Its actually sort of like Rolling Rock except it tastes good. They even have a delicious Amber variety … but that’s more of a fall one for me.

Jesus: Goose Island 312- The logical Goose Island choice for summer would seem to be its India Pale Ale but not for me. Goose Island also has Summertime, but I’m not taking my chances since I have Summer Ale. Another wheat beer, 312 has a spicy aroma and creamy body, the best of both worlds. While it works perfectly in the summer, its not a seasonal beer, so you can grab a pint whenever you need one.

NUMERO UNO:

In a shocking twist CadaverBlender agrees on something and picks the same beer!

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Keith: Sam Adam’s Summer Ale! - Many years ago I was working at a country club and my owner wisely decided to replace the MGD tap at the Snack Shop with Summer Ale tap. Occasionally the camera would get bumped and we’d enjoy a round. Ever since then I fell in love. It wasn’t my first beer it was just probably the best to date. People usually assume I’m overselling them on the Summer Ale when I demand they try it or even buy them one … but all it takes is one and they’re hooked. Years ago Summer Ale didn’t even explain what “grains of paradise” were on the bottle, I believe Jesus just spotted it on the wrapper at the neck of the bottle. And every time we enjoy one he says something to the effect of “wow good grains of paradise”

Jesus: Sam Adams Summer Ale- In my book the undisputed beer of summer. I’m not a huge fan of wheat beer (or fruity beer for that matter), but this spectacular blend, with its lemon zest and grains of paradise (a rare pepper from Africa), hits the spot on a hot summer day. Summer Ale is crisp and finishes clean, so much so that it should be available year round. Waiting for Summer Ale to hit the shelves is like waiting for Christmas, painstakingly slow. It seems as though its beginning to hit shelves earlier each year (I spotted it in early April this year) but not early enough for me. On more than one occasion I’ve been tempted to stock up on Summer Ale to tide me over during the dreary winter months.

Much like the movie Beerfest … I had to open a beer before I finished this post. Oh yeah its summer ale. Another quick story though, Jesus and I drove to three stores on the night before the derby looking for summer ale. Yep we’re dedicated and retarded. We’re also going to continue tinkering with the style here and there … topic to topic until we hit perfection or get too lazy (the more likely scenario). As usual weigh in because with only like 4 beers mentioned and Jesus’ catch all there is more to the world, so if you know about it and think we’d enjoy it - share it. Even better send us a sample, one of our mutual vices is “free beer”

Oh yeah finally a little love for our favorite greek Little Nick … check out his staycations!

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Jesus

For the Skeptics- Tucked between the tri-state border of Kentucky, Indiana, and Ohio lies Petersburg, KY. Until last May, not only was there no real reason to have ever heard of Petersburg, but also no reason to stop in Petersburg. And then God said, “Let there be a Creation Museum” and of course there was a museum dedicated to the beginning of Earth as translated literally from the Biblical book of Genesis. In true Jesus fashion (me Jesus, not Jesus Christ) its a big “hey fuck you” to science because we all know dinosaurs and humans coexisted on an Earth only 6000 years old and created in just 6 days. Its time to set the kids straight before the public schools get a hold of them and teach evolution, so make sure the Creation Museum is a stop on this years staycation.

For the Rock Lovers- Vacations or in this case, staycations, are supposed to be fun and relaxing. So what better way to kill a lot of time than by exploring the largest cave system in the world at Mammoth Cave National Park. That’s right, Kentucky has a national park. A claim that can’t be made by roughly half the other states. So take that those of you who think Kentucky is racist based on the Democratic primary results (Note: There is no correlation between having a national park and being/not being racist). It’s not only a national park but also a more prestigious World Heritage Site and international Biosphere Reserve. There are plenty of adventures and cave tours but word to the wise. With the ever growing obesity epidemic in America watch out for one tour in particular, Fat Man’s Misery.

For those Who Like their Wood Hard- I’m not advocating anything that would not be a kosher family staycation but rather the Louisville Slugger Museum. The museum in downtown Louisville is adorned with the world’s largest baseball bat. Measuring six stories and 68,000 pounds the replica Slugger, hollow and made of steel, leans against the northeast corner of the building. Along with a great history of America’s past time (more than just bat information), visitors get a behind scenes tour of the production of the most famous equipment in all of sport. At the end of the tour you even get a mini replica Louisville Slugger to take home and keep under the bed in case of burglars or for midget baseball.

For Conspiracy Theorist- So what’s really inside the United States Bullion Depository? One would think bullion, but one may be mistaken. The Depository claims to hold most of the US gold reserves, but since our money has long not been backed by gold, what’s really in there? To find out head to the military base that houses the Depository, Fort Knox. There have been plenty of conspiracies along the way, including the gold being moved to London during the 1960s, so the only way to know for sure is to see it with your own eyes. Oh wait, you’re not looking to be shot, killed, arrested, so on and so forth on your staycation, then never mind, just watch Goldfinger.

If Money’s Really Tight- Stay home and use your goddam imagination like when you were a child.

Keith

1. Naturally any Chicago suburbanite desires a city that goes beyond cookie cutter. I’d like to pretend I was not a victim of sales but my number one choice is … GALESBURG. I spent 4 years knowing a bunch of people from the area. They made it seems like a great oasis in the middle of northwest Illinois … hell I might fly back … but not to see Chicago rather GALESBURG. (http://www.visitgalesburg.com/)

2. Indiana Beach - There’s more than Corn in Indiana! (http://www.indianabeach.com/blog/)

I went to Indiana Beach numerous times as a kid … as a kid it was super fun. Now typically you can use the standard that anything fun as a kid is fun when you’re drunk. So naturally its time to fill up the car and head on down to the best theme park in the middle of no where. Its the only blog in the world that I will openly admit is better than CB!

*You should also note that the previous slogan was that “There’s more than Corn and Basketball in Indiana” but was recently revised because they no longer have any decent basketball.

3. Cedar Point

When I wasn’t at Indiana Beach I often visited Cedar Point. Now the trick is that this is a legit park with great thrills and is a must stop for any serious roller coaster enthusiast. Additionally its constructed on a peninsula, how many peninsulas have you visited recently? The clear answer is not enough. A long time ago their feature characters were the Berenstain Bears, what religion do you imagine those bears were? Additionally the roller coasters used to evoke some of those “I might die” type feelings. When they boasted the tallest roller coaster, the Magnum XL 2000, you had a seatbelt on and a flimsy lap bar … coming out of your seat for that long was unreal … it honestly felt like you might float away.

4. Colonial Williamsburg Or Monticello

Alright technically I don’t live in Chicago any more … and perhaps I should expose some of my plans for the summer. I’ll probably only do one of these things. Williamsburg is mostly to try and make the characters drop cover … think Dwight in Ben Franklin or the Pioneer Village in South Park’s “Super Fun Time”. Wait side rant … West Virginia has two slogans … both of which describe it! “Wild and Wonderful!” “Open for Business” “Almost Heaven”. I’m totally going to visit West Virginia again and this time I won’t talk nonstop about Pittsnogle.

5. Walk around your apartment / house naked, its a vacation from your clothes and a treat for your roommates! Best of all its free, well until the police see the neighborhood kids enjoying the free show.

Alright, now its your turn. Where are you going this summer for your staycation?

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In the mean time I’ll play my own shit, it goes something like this:

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