#5

Keith- Frosty the Snowman

I’m pretty sure if Chris Hansen had turned down the heat, he would’ve been able to catch this old timey kiddie fiddler trying to mess around with boys and girls of all ages. Actually I think its a pretty fun song and I would probably put that old magic hat on inappropriate things for a little while; things like a toaster or my car. Seriously though, we have to at least suspect this snowman of pedophilia, he hangs around with kids all the time for no apparent reason.

Jesus- Happy Xmas (War is Over)

How can it get any better than combining a Christmas song with a war protest song?  This song penned by John Lennon is at its heart a protest song against the Vietnam War, but has since entrenched itself as a traditional Christmas song.  In his own way, Lennon is calling for peace on Earth, without resorting to the more religious and quite literal, Let There Be Peace on Earth.  Throughout the song you can hear a choir of kids singing, “War is over, if you want it, war is over, now!”

#4

Jesus- Carol of the Bells

Pretty much any version will do, but how awesome is the version by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (and anything they do for that matter?).  Holy smokes, that kicks ass.  The version from Home Alone isn’t too shabby either.  I don’t know any of the words beyond, “ring Christmas bells, merrily ring”, but I sure can hum the shit out of the entire song.  And any songs I can hum the shit out of is awesome.  Seriously, during the holiday season I’ll catching myself humming this tune not knowing how long I had been doing it for.  And I don’t care.  “RING CHRISTMAS BELLS!”

Keith- Little Drummer Boy

This is probably the strangest addition to my list and maybe unexpected. Sometime during my adolescence my family was en route to Christmas Eve, my father, who at some points seemed like he might have been the main character in crank – fearful of EVER being late, did some spirited tactical driving through crowds and and christmas-ey weather. This song just inspires a chuckle with me and my sister, and thoughts of wether or not there was a temporary NOS system in the Buick.

#3

Keith- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

The tale of one of Christmas’ heroes! My only problem with the whole concept of the song is that Rudolph really can’t pull his weight on the sleigh, he’s kind of scrawny compared to the other Reindeers. You wouldn’t want to fly on a jumbo jet with 3.5 engines instead of 4. Also I’m afraid that technology might phase out the need for Rudolph, I can put a $40 surefire on another Reindeer and boom, artificial red light. If I were Santa, I’d probably grab a back up.

A magical Christmas tumor?

Jesus- O Holy Night

Two words: Josh Groban.  He sounds like a god dam angel belting out this tune.  What did he do?  Shove a choir of angels up his ass?  He had to.  There’s no other way something sounds so angelic.  And then there’s the Cartman version.  You know, it just depends on what mood you’re in.  This is one is overtly religious, and it’s not apologizing.  But as we all know by now, “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.*”

(* Was the reason for the season?)

#2

Jesus- Mary Did You Know?

So let me get this straight, someone is asking if Mary knew her Baby Boy…

• would one day walk on water
• save our sons and daughters
• soon deliver her
• give sight to a blind man
• calm a storm with his hands
• walked where angles trod
• is Lord of all creation
• would one day rule the nation
• was Heaven’s perfect lamb
• is the Great I Am?

She didn’t even know she was pregnant.  She was a freakin’ VIRGIN.  How was she supposed to know anything about this child to be when she hadn’t even had SEX?!  An angel had to come tell her.  We’re lucky she didn’t off herself after the visit because that’s some crazy shit!  “I know you’ve never had sex Mary, but you’re pregnant.”  Of course she didn’t know any of this shit.  Are you kidding me?!

Keith- We Need a Little Christmas

This is the opening song to one of my favorite christmas special, A Muppet Family Christmas. Truly a call to arms for the Christmas season, a great song to play as you’re inevitably traveling back home for the holidays. I’m not gonna say much except that we all need a little more christmas … now!

#1

Keith- Welcome Christmas (The Who Song)

Well talk about a powerful tune that has mostly made up words. This song not only is celebratory, but it disarmed the great Grinch and changed his whole position on the holiday and the village as a whole. How could I not pick a song with this kind of impact? Either way the nonsensical nature of it all always makes me smile and remember all those great years of being a kid and watching the animated version of Dr. Suess “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

Welcome Christmas  …. bring your cheer!

Jesus- Merry Fucking Christmas

My Dad isn’t much into Christmas songs, but this one will certainly get him going.  Just click the link and watch the video.  It speaks for itself.

And now its your turn.  Let Keith and I know what your favorite Christmas tunes are and why you enjoy them so much!

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On the 60 Minutes piece prior to the Oscars…

Keith (7:16:58 PM): I feel like if I had alcohol education earlier
Keith (7:17:05 PM): my drinks would have been better
Keith (7:17:11 PM): instead it took lots of trial and error
Jesus (7:17:35 PM): but the trial and error is the fun part
Keith (7:18:01 PM): remember the jim beam and vodka and koolaid experiment?
Jesus (7:18:03 PM): i mean that kool aid drink you made…

On Jesus and movies…

Jesus (8:33:18 PM): let it be known that between oscars i saw three movies in theatre….indiana jones, dark knight, dark knight
Keith (8:33:41 PM): you’re the only person I know who loves the Oscars and hates movies

On dancing…

Keith (8:37:01 PM): dancing is funny
Keith (8:37:11 PM): always to me
Keith (8:37:17 PM): its like a poop joke

The first of many “either/or”…

Keith (8:38:00 PM): Olivia Munn or Anne Hathaway?
Jesus (8:38:03 PM): munn
Keith (8:38:07 PM): agreed
Keith (8:38:15 PM): Olivia Munn or Hugh Jackman?
Jesus (8:38:23 PM): hugh
Keith (8:38:39 PM): damn I didn’t even have to sweeten the pot and say “wolverine” persona

On the dead person’s montage…

Jesus (8:38:44 PM): whens the dead persons montage
Keith (8:38:53 PM): its cliche to like the in memorium
Keith (8:38:59 PM): its everybody’s favorite part
Jesus (8:39:07 PM): did we lose anybody worthwhile this calendar year
Keith (8:39:15 PM): heath ledger (upon later research, Mr. Ledger was in last years montage, but this year’s batman)

On the presenters of Actress in a Supporting Role…

Jesus (8:43:14 PM): just why i watch the oscars…vaginas that hang like sleeve of wizard
Keith (8:43:16 PM): not a looker in the bunch

Another “either/or”…

Keith (8:45:42 PM): amy adams or anne hathaway?
Jesus (8:45:54 PM): amy adams

Back to the presenters…

Keith (8:46:02 PM): yikes
Keith (8:46:07 PM): saaaagy boobs
Jesus (8:46:21 PM): put some clothes on
Jesus (8:50:15 PM): so the grossest boobs of the night so far…goldie hawn

On BIG songs…

Keith (8:51:42 PM): if you could only listen to one notorious BIG song the rest of your life which would it be?
Jesus (8:51:53 PM): hypnotize
Keith (8:52:01 PM): I agree
Keith (8:52:06 PM): bit fan of mo money mo problems
Keith (8:52:12 PM): but hypnotize is better boating music
Jesus (8:52:15 PM): hell yeah

On Tina Fey…

Jesus (8:54:11 PM): i wish tina had better boobs
Keith (8:54:17 PM): hahaha I was typing the same thing
Keith (8:54:23 PM): I think my imagination was making them better

On writing a screenplay…

Jesus (8:55:13 PM): we should write a screen play
Keith (8:55:48 PM): I’m not buying you a typewriter, stop asking
Jesus (8:56:09 PM): i wouldn’t even know how much i would have to write to equal 30 minutes or an hour…anything like that
Keith (8:56:23 PM): yeah I’d imagine we’d overwrite
Keith (8:56:39 PM): “this movie would be …6 hours” … lets make it a trilogy!

“Either/or”…

Keith (9:02:54 PM): Mandy Moore or Tina Fey?
Jesus (9:02:59 PM): both
Jesus (9:03:02 PM): at the same time

Keith (9:06:12 PM): Wall E or Kung Fu panda?
Keith (9:06:22 PM): if you had to hook up with one …
Jesus (9:06:28 PM): panda…so furry
Keith (9:06:35 PM): you’re sick

On English as 2nd language…

Keith (9:10:00 PM): anyone without English as their primary language should get half the time
Jesus (9:10:08 PM): sank you?
Jesus (9:10:18 PM): what the fuck does that mean?
Keith (9:10:25 PM): I think he’s trying to seduce you
Jesus (9:10:37 PM): didn’t work…i wonder how long he practiced those 4 words

On the inspiration for Gotham City…

Keith (9:16:45 PM): too many Chicago references for something that was supposed to be new york
Jesus (9:17:05 PM): see i don’t buy that Gotham has to be NY
Keith (9:17:16 PM): I think it was supposed to be
Jesus (9:17:38 PM): i think its just an “any city” over taken by corruption…so Chicago is probably even better
Keith (9:17:49 PM): damn you

On Mark Prior…

Keith (9:22:03 PM): so are you ready to be shocked?
Jesus (9:22:31 PM): like Abu Ghraib style?
Keith (9:22:36 PM): yeah like that
Keith (9:22:53 PM): mark prior skipped a planned batting practice session already this season
Jesus (9:23:05 PM): glad i was sitting down…again

On pick up lines…

Keith (9:28:23 PM): I’m gonna try that line once
Keith (9:28:30 PM): “I’ll go to your room … but you have to seduce me”
Jesus (9:28:36 PM): yeah…i like it
Jesus (9:28:47 PM): its seems better than my standard “I wanna be on you”
Keith (9:29:07 PM): I thought your standard was “I’m already finished”

On Natalie Portman…

Jesus (9:32:37 PM): Natalie Portman may be one of the hottest chicks ever
Jesus (9:32:42 PM): this is funny
Jesus (9:33:39 PM): and her dress is amazing
Keith (9:33:55 PM): strange
Keith (9:33:58 PM): not in my top 10
Keith (9:34:01 PM): very hot
Keith (9:34:03 PM): but I dunno
Jesus (9:34:14 PM): oh man…shes fucking awesome

On Jessica Biel…

Jesus (9:38:47 PM): she may have reached her hotness peak
Keith (9:39:10 PM): bad dress …
Keith (9:39:19 PM): hotness peak during 7th heaven?
Jesus (9:39:30 PM): you better believe it..man
Keith (9:43:47 PM): I know

“Either/or”

Keith (10:53:56 PM): Meg Ryan … or Zac Effron

On Slumdog Millionaire music…

Jesus (10:56:53 PM): tunak tunak?
Keith (10:57:01 PM): duka duka duka

On Indian guys acceptance speech…

Jesus (11:02:30 PM): hate love…i chose love
Keith (11:02:32 PM): I feel like you’ve chosen hate
Jesus (11:02:47 PM): it chose me
Keith (11:03:26 PM): I’d make a star wars joke, but you won’t get it

On foreigners effect of the Oscars and economy…

Jesus (11:09:02 PM): too many foreigners this year…lets bring the Oscar back where it rightfully belongs
Keith (11:09:14 PM): this is whats wrong with the economy

On dead person’s montage (again)…

Keith (11:10:58 PM): get ready greg
Jesus (11:10:59 PM): DEAD PEOPLE!
Keith (11:10:59 PM): fluffer go
Keith (11:11:07 PM): do the sixth sense line
Jesus (11:11:19 PM): that should always be the lead in
Keith (11:11:23 PM): I don’t believe in the after life latifah
Keith (11:11:24 PM): oh no
Keith (11:11:26 PM): theres a song
Keith (11:11:26 PM): wtf
Jesus (11:11:34 PM): ruining the dead people montage
Jesus (11:12:18 PM): there will be a dead people montage at my funeral
Keith (11:12:28 PM): all of you?
Keith (11:17:48 PM): I have to admit
Keith (11:17:58 PM): If (when) I die before you
Keith (11:18:02 PM): can I have a clip in your montage?
Jesus (11:18:08 PM): absolutely
Keith (11:18:16 PM): awesome

On women…

Keith (11:26:48 PM): i feel like women in pieces pre-1920 based
Keith (11:27:01 PM): should not be eligible because at the time women were not taken seriously

On Kate Winslet…

Jesus (11:28:51 PM): she may be the best actress of our lifetime
Keith (11:29:13 PM): I sort of agree
Keith (11:29:22 PM): she does have a lot of range
Keith (11:30:58 PM): strangely kate winslett can win awards
Keith (11:31:00 PM): and show bush
Keith (11:31:01 PM): its amazing
Jesus (11:31:05 PM): yes

On movies watched…

Jesus (11:42:20 PM): i have an amendment to make to these minutes…
Jesus (11:42:31 PM): i saw a fourth movie between oscars…Step Brothers
Keith (11:42:42 PM): bastard
Keith (11:42:47 PM): I easily saw over 30
Jesus (11:42:55 PM): seeing richard jenkins jogged my memory

On Best Motion Picture presentation…

Jesus (11:50:55 PM): I am WILLIAM WALLACE!
Keith (11:51:39 PM): TONIGHT I DECLARE … PRIMA NOCTA

On Indian affairs…

Keith (11:53:04 PM): now they are playing tunak
Keith (11:53:05 PM): for sure
Jesus (11:53:09 PM): yes
Jesus (11:53:50 PM): who invited the kids from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?
Keith (11:54:01 PM): oh no
Keith (11:54:24 PM): one of my friends, who’s native american, still uses the phrase “dot or feather?”
Keith (11:54:29 PM): I find that strangely offensive
Jesus (11:54:39 PM): nice…i use that in select company
Keith (11:54:49 PM): I think he feels like he gets to
Keith (11:55:01 PM): like how some people can say the nword

As CadaverBlender approaches its 1 year anniversary look for a schedule that includes regularly posted material once again…FINALLY!

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1986 Clown

1987 Panda- Look at this photo and tell me with a straight face that you don’t like the 1980s. First person to guess what any costume is besides the panda, wins that costume.*

1988 Tiger- Ah, the fiercest of the world’s cats. And then we have an early audition for Chief Illiniwek. It was the 1980s, that type of stuff was acceptable.

1989 Pinocchio- Geppetto would be proud. Honestly I never lied that much. Notice the hat, as it will appear again later down the line. That’s my sister in the background as…Pippi Longstocking?

1990 Jailbird- Every mother’s dreams, a 5 year old convict. Who knew my affinity to MTV’s Juvies started at such a young age. And there’s my brother doing his best NASCAR driver (?), my sister a few years ahead of Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin, so clearly she must be a gypsy instead, and then a scarecrow definitely looking for some gypsy tears.

1991 Pirate- The classic Halloween costume accompianied by a Jester (?) and Humpty Dumpty. The Humpty Dumpty costume was originall used by Jesus in kindergarten for his class’ play of nursery ryhmes.

1992 Gomez- This may have been the finest effort put forth on Halloween. It was a group effort as we pulled off the Addams Family. The best costume was my brother as Cousin It.

1993 Frankenstein- This costume is a lot more enjoyable than the book. Granted I only read like the first 6 pages of Frankenstein but it was 6 too many.

1994- One of the lost years.

1995 Grim Reaper- My take on the traditional Grim Reaper. I’m pretty sure I didn’t go trick or treating barefoot, but you just never know. It may have been a “warm” Halloween that year.

1996 Unabomber- This is truly a great costume. We’ve seen the hat before. The beard and mustache are from 3rd grade when I dressed as Ulysses S. Grant for the President’s project. I mean the re-use makes it a perfect costume.

1997- Another lost year.

1998- I think by this point I had just gotten lazy. Just your standard Packers fan.

And now Keith’s favorites.

Ever since I’ve been taller than my mom, Halloween has become a little less cool. You might ask why, for some reason when I got to 5 feet I no longer got the awesome costumes I got as a kid. Well its that or maybe my mom raised the bar too high, either way this post will end up being a dedication that I could print out and send for mother’s day. I don’t have photos … yet but it doesn’t mean I won’t eventually.

Lets go over my favorites – First it was Dopey. He’s the youngest dwarf, has no beard (nor do I), he’s clumsy and occasionally funny – so he’s very Keith. I’m not sure how I latched onto this costume but wow it was great. I had a full robe and a mask full with pointy hat. My mom seriously dominated this one, if the mask still lined up I’d probably bring it out every 2 years. Who wouldn’t want to make out with Dopey.

Another one of the bests, Krang and his Android Body. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it might be time to quit reading this site. He was obviously a supervillain in TMNT, not just a regular villian, but a supervillain. He made a strong alliance with Shredder. He controlled his android body from just above the junk, and wow he was a pretty smart guy. I always thought about bringing my Krang to college, but I was / am seriously worried about getting it stolen.

Finally  … one year I got creative. I went as a car crash. It was pretty simple, I had on some torn up clothes, a bumper, I think maybe a headlight and some blood. It sounds really dumb but it was pretty creative. Sure it doesn’t sound that great but it was. There were many many other great costumes and I loved them all, even today my ma is a good creative consultant.

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Our adventure began early on Thursday when Keith ventured to the mystical airport known as BWI. After the Arby’s, traditional roadtrip fare, he got in his ridiculous Southwest line (with TONS of wheelchair bound pre-boarders) and BOOM, there was a family of … Texas fans? Clemson Fans? Syracuse? Tennessee? … And just to be a jerk he asked the kid’s dad if it was a Buetjer jersey or JUUUUUICE?

But let the shenanigans begin. Whenever you find Jesus taking a shot its going to be a good weekend.

Now that’s what I call an action shot. The only logical explanation for Jesus taking a shot, is that he couldn’t find his beer. And that’s because he was drinking only the finest beer available, Miller High Life, in camouflage cans, of course!

We did shortly consider…BUSCH REGULAR.

How many beers do you see? Exactly. The next time you want to drink in public and not cause a scene, go for the camouflage beer cans.

Can someone honestly explain camouflage beer cans to me please? Whats the appeal, lets pack up a brick of cheap beer and get our guns and go hunting, nothing dangerous about that, guns save life, but drunken idiots getting hammered in the middle of nowhere, trying to be extra quiet and hidden, and then firing at will? Nope doesn’t seem at all dangerous or irresponsible, if anything the cans should be their regular colors (Editors note: They also make “hunter’s orange” cans. There’s one item of orange. Half way there.) so they’re easily found and shot at when you line them up on the fence because your truck is empty and you had to bury your buddy and hope that no one remembers he left on his virgin hunting trip with you. (Unrelated side note, we miss you Geoff)

There are many characters you find on a college campus. There’s guy with the Asian calf tattoo.

(Life tip, never ask someone what their Asian art tattoo means, the answer is NEVER satisfying, this was like bears, beets, nerds)

There’s drunk guy in pink who looks eerily like Jesus.

And then there’s Tiny Ted. When you meet Tiny Tim (God Bless Us, Everyone! I never correctly said Tiny Ted, and I won’t start now) you go, “No way that kid is in college.” If you’re like Keith you demand to take a picture with the youngest looking college student ever. But on the bright side the dude was a good host and would randomly break into neighbors houses. For some reason we found that funny.

(someday they’ll invent a photoshop filter to correct drunk keith eyes, until then enjoy!)

No night at college can end without a rousing rendition of some song from Rock Band. It’s as if it was decreed by God, himself. Did the pizza guy let himself into the house because the kids were rocking out too hard? Yes!

After a night at Indiana University it was time for Illinois. I’d call Champaign CadaverBlender’s “home away from home”, but its actually more of a “vacation home”. You know- beaches, bikini clad coeds, bonfires, booze, and the “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” mentality. So really its cornfields, hoodie draped coeds, grill fires, booze, and “We’ll post about our adventures on the internets so all can read” mentality.

No trip to Champaign is complete without the gratuitous Morrow Plots shot.

(mark kind of looks like dwight’s cousin mose, especially in that pose)

While there is a really sweet new building on campus, the College of Business Instructional Facility, the real eye catcher is the McFarland Memorial Penis. So they call it a Bell Tower, but you look at this picture and tell me it’s not a penis.

(One unnamed co-author of this blog didn’t hate the tower as much as everyone else, and desperately hoped he could one day play the tune of “Flintstones” via remote.)

And good for Mr. McFarland, because anybody that well endowed should want to show it off. Jesus actually had a moment where he considered changing his architecture thesis to design a companion piece to the Penis, naturally called, “Vagina in the Sky”. But that would have to wait because there were other observations to be had.

Such as, “Is this atrium ever going to be close to filled except for today when it was for the Business Instructional Facility grand opening?”

Or, “Placing brown paper bags over parking meters is still the best way to indicate they are not to be used?”

(keith was yelling, look look look they still do this!)

Or, “How come I’m just now finding out the fire station on campus is a “Safe Haven” to drop off your unwanted babies?” – What if you babies need savin’ on a holiday, who will come to their rescue, or during the ooky cookie game upstairs?

It’s amazing the things you’ll notice when you’re doing nothing but wandering around campus aimlessly. But the fun was only beginning as the all day Saturday tailgate was still to come.

Tailgating needs to only involve three things: people (let me clarify that you should enjoy their company), food (and with that comes a means of cooking anything that needs a good flame), and of course, booze. I’d say a quality cornhole set is next on the list if you have room for it. And once the power of those ingredients combine you have a great time.

Such a combination will entice you to visit long lost people (ok like 2-ish years) you may or may not particularly like. But the visit is worth it because you get to cross your favorite cemetery. You’ll be convinced that riding the cannon that serves as a memorial to Civil War veterans as though its a furry tractor is a good idea.

And trust me, it was a FABULOUS idea. Even despite the old man creeping around the cemetery as though he was going to participate in his own shenanigans and was just waiting for us to finish ours.

Honestly, why do the little igniters on grills die after three uses? That has to be the least reliable part put onto a consumer product in the history of man. Think about it, for some reason after two clicks when it seems awesome, the next time you fire up your grill it just clicks but never sparks, piece of shit! Keith was also extremely shocked that Jesus brought with Propane, he’s like the anti-Hank Hill, what was next, would he be going Republican?

You’ll also decide that no matter how drunk you ever get you’ll never piss in a series of urinals that are this closely spaced.

I mean, seriously, what is that 6 inches? How did the founders of CB improvise? We just peed directly on the Stock Pavilion floor, and don’t pretend like that’s gross, urine was by far the least of the Stock Pavilion’s bad smells.

And finally it will prove what you’ve been saying for years. That when drunk you’ll gladly ride a bull.

Save a coed, ride a barrel! (the barrel had HPV, but we haven’t told Jesus yet.)

I’m pretty sure I lasted for eight seconds on that particular ride. And let me tell you, its definitely all fun and games…until you fall and land on the fucking ridiculously hard ground. But that’s why you did it drunk, so it hurts less.

And its at this point when you know its time to wrap up the tailgate and head to the stadium.

Notice the Penis looming in the distance. Scary shit.

CB also continued its long standing streak of smuggling illegal beverages into sporting events. The silly security never noticed, guess they didn’t recognize the booze sammich fiends.

And just like the rest of the weekend, we kicked ass.

Now what you’ve all been waiting for, after reading the long tale of our shenanigans, BONUS CORN!

CB Game: Count the number of “pre-boarders” getting on a BWI to Indianapolis flight.

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Fordham @ Columbia

Jacksonville @ NC Pembroke

Akron @ Army

TCU @SMU

Jackson St. @ Grambling St.

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Keith: Duke, Buffalo, Notre Dame, Illinois, Charleston Southern

Jesus: Navy, Temple, Notre Dame, Illinois, Miami-O

For the first time in the 2008 season Keith wins the week, with a not-so impressive 3-2 moving to 7-8 overall (he can taste .500). And Jesus finishes with a 2-3 moving to 10-5 overall.

Navy @ Duke

Keith: I picked Navy last week, and I picked against Duke in Week 1, I lost both picks, so the natural selection here is DUKE. Go Blue Devils!

Jesus: Last week I had the “joy” of attending the Ball State Cardinals defeat of the Midshipmen. The Navy hung around for too long so I know they have what it takes to beat the Dookies!

Temple @ Buffalo

Keith: I’m going with Buffalo for this one. I have two very influential reasons, the Buffalo Bull is a fucking sweet logo that I could easily wear around … and last year they won this contest 42-7. Haha Buffalo Bulls … it makes me laugh.

Jesus: The Owls used to be have a spot in the college sports world. That was in basketball. They don’t even have that spot anymore so there is no way I am going to take them in a game involving an oblong ball.

Michigan @ Notre Dame

Keith: This is the hardest pick on my list. Much like USC / OSU – I really wish both teams could lose. There are no winners in this game. But I’m picking with the conference (also picking OSU) because I want some prestige restored.

Jesus: This is the game I was eluding to in the introduction. Michigan and Notre Dame are currently not relevant in college football. Notre Dame practically needed a miracle (a horrible call by the replay officials) to hang on last week. And Michigan looks very beatable as they switch to the spread offense. The Maize and Blue take this one.

Louisiana-Lafayette @ Illinois

Keith: Well for the third week in a row, I pick Illinois. My first impression of the throwback jerseys was a bit negative, but the more I saw of them, the more I liked them. The orange was just different enough.

Jesus: There was a time, oh about 4 years ago, when this matchup would have been the Pillow Fight of the Week as both teams were regulars in ESPN’s Bottom 10. While its still home to the Ragin’ Cajuns, the Illini have moved on to bigger and better things. Oskeewowow!

Charlestown Southern @ Miami (OH…IO)

Keith: Sorry Miami-O – I knew watching that team last week it simply was prepared to win a huge game, and to put up a second fantastic game against perennial power house Buccaneers, unlikely. Chalrestown Southern FTW!

Jesus: I’m not sure but I think Charlestown Southern is a high school. Right? Sounds like it anyway, so I will be taking Miami in this one.

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Results

Keith: Navy, Robert Morris, Illinois, Howard, SDSU

Jesus: Ball State, Morehead St., Illinois, Georgetown, SDSU

Well no 5-0 for Jesus this week, Georgetown/Howard is postponed because Hurricane Hannah swept through the area. Jesus went 3-2 this week to move to 8-2 overall, and Keith went 2-3 again to move to 4-6.

Navy @ Ball State

We got off to a slow start this week, so naturally we texted our choices. Jesus picks Ball State, because he happens to have a man crush on Nate Davis. Keith picks Navy because he loves America … and the triple option offense.

Morehead St. @ Robert Morris

Jesus: Morehead State. There was one year at the Kentucky State fair when they passed out buttons that said “We Love Morehead!” and honestly I can’t disagree. Home state team for the win!

Keith: Watch this video and try and pick against Robert Morris, I can’t – welcome to the show!

Eastern Illinois @ Illinois

Jesus: So there was a time my senior year (soon after I got a significant haircut..seems familiar) that Illinois played Eastern Illinois and no matter how bad the Illini were they still won 42-17, so I definitely have the Illini in this one!

Keith: Eastern Illinois was only going to get one prospect in its history, they burned that with ROMO. Hopefully Illinois can put up some points and play good defense, ILL – INI!

Georgetown @ Howard

Jesus: Ok so Georgetown doesn’t have a Big East team, but that doesn’t mean they can’t beat the Bison of Howard. They totally ripped off the logo of the Buffalo Bills, so there is no way I can take them.

Keith: I like hanging out in Georgetown and I always have fun but I never feel the passion to root for them. I don’t own enough boat shoes, so I’m picking Howard.

San Diego State @ Notre Dame

Jesus: It really doesn’t matter how Irish I am or how Catholic I am, it doesn’t mean I have to cheer for Notre Dame. No matter how much I hate them, there is no way they can lose to SD State!

Keith: The reason god gave us Boston College is so that Catholics could root against Notre Dame, right? I’m picking SDSU as well … I personally enjoy ND losing and SDSU Basketball has a brand new player. Brian Carlwell transferred there in hopes to get some more playing time and forgetting that whole time his teammate left him for dead after a car accident.

Recap

Keith: Navy, Robert Morris, Illinois, Howard, SDSU

Jesus: Ball State, Morehead St., Illinois, Georgetown, SDSU

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RESULTS

Keith: Northwestern, LSU, James Madison, Illinois, Louisville

Jesus: Northwestern, LSU, DUKE, Mizzou, Kentucky

Looks like Keith brought a knife to the gun fight … Jesus moves to 5-0 and Keith settles in at 2-3. Tune in next week for more totally inconsequential football picks!

Syracuse @ Northwestern

Keith: I’m going with NU on this one, BIG 10 pride, only one team deserves to rock orange, and Pat Fitzgerald went to my high school (rumor has it he was an asshole, but not a cool asshole).

Jesus: There are going to be two things happening on this field that should never happen. One team is going to be decked out in the orange and the other sporting purple. Gross. The Orange suck. Northwestern by 10.

Appalachian State @ LSU

Keith: So the game is moved up because of Gustav, and this will decrease the effect of LSU fans, and I have a proclivity towards picking upsets, but I’m going with LSU, APP will be cold cold cold this year, won’t even be close.

Jesus: Can lightning strike twice? Unlikely. There is no way the defending national champs are going to lose to “Hot! Hot! Hot!” after what happened to Michigan last year. Things will be interesting for a quarter before the Tigers take this one big.

James Madison @ Duke

Keith: My roommate went to JMU and explained its about 70% females and 30% males, that must mean they’re good at football right? Well either way. I do not see Duke pulling a Kansas and turning a basketball powerhouse into a one year football miracle. JMU for the win.

Jesus: Mark it down, Duke will have a winning record for the first time in a long time (ever?) when this one is said and done. And after one win they’ll be half way to a spectacular season and two wins. But I’m getting way ahead of myself.

Illinois vs Mizzou (at the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis)

Keith: My roommate freshman year firmly believed that every year Illinois was due to take down both the BCS and the NCAA, and that the Cubs were going to win the world series, at the time I really didn’t understand it, I let logic prevail. Then I realized, its a lot like praying – what does it hurt to believe you’re going to win? Actually I firmly have faith that we’re going to see some good QBing from Juice Williams and he will dazzle the “underrated” Mizzou defense. I’ll also predict we’ll see a dominate Vontae Davis – he will hopefully emerge as a leader of the defense. Say it with me kids, I – L – L

Jesus: I – N – I! Nope, I can’t do it. If you like offense and offense in bunches than this is the game for you. This is going to be more entertaining than any other game you’ll see opening weekend, so buckle up. But the National Title hopeful Tigers will be just a bit too much for a quasi-rebuilding (who is going to pick up Mendenhall’s absence?!) Illini team.

Kentucky @ Louisville

Keith: The Governor’s Cup! In the NFL arrests are negatively correlated to wins, applying this standard to Kentucky- I pick Louieville.

Jesus: Of all the games this weekend, this one is certainly a toss-up. So here we go. The Cardinals are heads, the Wildcats are tails…Tails it is. Kentucky in a close one.

Recap

Keith: Northwestern, LSU, James Madison, Illinois, Louisville

Jesus: Northwestern, LSU, DUKE, Mizzou, Kentucky

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Jesus

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A little known fact about me is that I love roller coasters. There isn’t any coaster I’ll shy away from but in particular I like a good wooden roller coaster. With that said, my top 3 roller coasters are obviously exclusive to woodies.

3. Thunder Run (Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom)- It’s been years since I rode this out and back coaster, but its the roller coaster of my childhood so the memories hold strong. This wooden coaster has a great combination of hills and banked turns to leave any coaster enthusiast wanting more. It has a nice rattle and shake to it (once a little too much), so you know its a wooden coaster. While the initial drop is exhilirating, its the series of humpbacks towards the end of the ride that seals the deal. Thunder Run also is the symbolic transition from old to new (or I guess now OLDER to OLD) at Kentucky Kingdom. Taking the walkway beneath the ride takes you to the contemporary steel coasters: the stand-up Batman (it was Chang back in my day) and T2 (I’m not sure what Six Flags renamed this one), and they are simply not as good as a classic woodie.

2. The Beast (King’s Island)- Just about everything that needs to be said about this coaster is in the name. The Beast is still the world’s longest wooden roller coaster- it covers 35 acres. There are many things that set The Beast apart from your run-of-the-mill wooden coaster but nothing comes close to topping the counter-clockwise helix after the second chain lift. The Beast gets going immediately as the first drop sends the riders through a tunnel and a quick second hill and drop that results in airtime. (Dishonorable Mention: Son of Beast- This is one of those times when a sequel would have been best left alone. Way too bumpy, jerky and fast. Most definitely not worth the wait.)

1. The Voyage (Holiday World)- There’s nothing like the first ride on a roller coaster. The unknown of whats to come only enhances the experience. My first ride of The Voyage was so awesome, that I rode it 6 more times consecutively. It hadn’t been operating early in the day so when it finally opened there were very few people in the distant area of the park The Voyage is located. After an initial lift of 163 feet, The Voyage has enough energy for three drops of over 100 feet without the need for another lift. Those three monstrous drops help create over 20 seconds of airtime which is a record. In three separate rankings, The Voyage ranks as the #1 wooden coaster. (Honorable Mention: The Raven and The Legend two other woodies at Holiday World.)

Honorable Mention (non-wooden)
- Flight of Fear (King’s Island)- In nearly complete darkness the unkown factor plays a huge role in this exciting ride which starts with you being slungshot out of the start.
- Vampire (Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom)- An homage to a ride no longer with us due to a string of problems it incurred, specifically getting stuck in the loop (or so the story went- apparently its been recommissioned at Six Flags New England), its your traditional boomerang with three inversions. In other words, it does the track forward and then in reverse. Short but sweet.

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Keith

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Remember that movie Fear? It had an amazing roller coaster scene, that’s pretty much the basis for my roller coaster selections – well actually not really at all. I just wanted to bring up one of the most infamous roller coaster scenes ever.

3. Batman: The Ride (Six Flags Great America) – Alright this ride was re-produced at many many Six Flags across all of the US but the first one happened in Illinois. This was also the first steel inverted roller coaster – you know the kind where your feet dangle. It was also new around the time little Keith grew tall enough for the big time rides, so naturally this was one of his first. the ride is spectacular and its one thing to be upside down, its another to have it where you see your feet above your head. I have great memories, sure its quick and its modern and it occasionally kills people who sneak into the restricted area. But the other great thing that BATMAN did was that it introduced the concept of staging a ride in the line. They had music playing and part of the waiting was inside (out of the sun and cooler), and they made you feel like you were in a small subsection of the park – kind of like a Disney ride BUT with a cool Gotham City theme.

This post is courtesy of my iPhone while I’m starting the line for The Dark Knight – oh wait I don’t have an iPhone because while I am a nerd, I’m not the kind of nerd who waits in lines for things.

2. The Beast (King’s Island) – Well this is the top wooden roller coaster I’ve ever been on. Besides a top notch logo, it is insanely long, and just when you think you’re done with it, you gear up for stage too. Part of the appeal in any great roller coaster is the uncertainty. When you get on any of these modern mega-coasters, you have a harness over your chest, in addition to a lap bar. There is no way that you’re being separated from the car. Sure you may be going over a mile up, but you’re coming right back down super quick and you barely rise out of your seat. (You’ll notice this as a theme in my choices) On the Beast there is a lap bar and a seat belt, you move side to side and there is an honest risk the car could break down for any multitude of reasons.

I also remember reading RL Stine’s “The Beast” before I was tall enough to get on this ride. During my childhood they had “The Beastie” as well, which was great when you’re super young. It has since been re-branded. Side note, Best Goosebumps?

1. Magnum XL-200 (Cedar Point, OH) – This was already mentioned in our Staycation post – but I can’t pretend like its not my favorite. During my first ride it was the highest roller coaster in the world and it was just insane. You had a perfect view of Lake Eerie on the long ride up and all the sudden – ITS ON! Much like the Beast – all you get is a lap bar and a seat belt. If you’re smart you leave a few inches when they come by to check your bar and then on that first hill you’re all the way out of your seat with your arms up. Sure it lacks the appeal of a wooden coster, you don’t have a headache after riding it and there aren’t any bumps to help you reach orgasm – but wow its a great ride to me.

Honorable Mention:

I won’t be mentioning any water rides here – they’re not roller coaster and they get your socks wet and then your socks stay wet all damn day and it fucking sucks.

I like creativity and originality and its hard to find. Most of these referenced are not the first of their kind just the best one I remember of a particular genre.

Mantis – Cedar Point – Stand Up variety – kind of rides up on you like a bicycle seat but still amazing.

Mr. Freeze – Six Flags St. Louis – This ride slingshots you from 0-70MPH in 3.8 seconds and sends you straight up at one point, then you run back through the ride backwards. This was the only ride I remember from Six Flags St. Louis as I was in serious trouble from one of the most infamous moments of my life to this point – that’s another story for another day.

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In Closing

Finally if you have not checked out the new photos of our bar Katrina – check them out here. I say our but clearly Jesus has taken possession of it and done great work, just wait till he starts getting my angry text messages and demand for a custody trial.

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