No, its not what you’re thinking.  Keith and I couldn’t get a hold of any Auto-Tune in time.  So you’re getting a list of our favorite Christmas songs.  And they come in oh so many varieties – religious or secular; serious or funny; catchy or annoying.  Whatever the case may be, its hard not to like a seasonal Christmas tune.  It’s not like there are many Hanukkah songs to choose from.  So without further ado, five songs from each of us, that must be on the play list as you, “deck the halls, with boughs of holly.”


Keith- Frosty the Snowman

I’m pretty sure if Chris Hansen had turned down the heat, he would’ve been able to catch this old timey kiddie fiddler trying to mess around with boys and girls of all ages. Actually I think its a pretty fun song and I would probably put that old magic hat on inappropriate things for a little while; things like a toaster or my car. Seriously though, we have to at least suspect this snowman of pedophilia, he hangs around with kids all the time for no apparent reason.

Jesus- Happy Xmas (War is Over)

How can it get any better than combining a Christmas song with a war protest song?  This song penned by John Lennon is at its heart a protest song against the Vietnam War, but has since entrenched itself as a traditional Christmas song.  In his own way, Lennon is calling for peace on Earth, without resorting to the more religious and quite literal, Let There Be Peace on Earth.  Throughout the song you can hear a choir of kids singing, “War is over, if you want it, war is over, now!”


Jesus- Carol of the Bells

Pretty much any version will do, but how awesome is the version by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (and anything they do for that matter?).  Holy smokes, that kicks ass.  The version from Home Alone isn’t too shabby either.  I don’t know any of the words beyond, “ring Christmas bells, merrily ring”, but I sure can hum the shit out of the entire song.  And any songs I can hum the shit out of is awesome.  Seriously, during the holiday season I’ll catching myself humming this tune not knowing how long I had been doing it for.  And I don’t care.  “RING CHRISTMAS BELLS!”

Keith- Little Drummer Boy

This is probably the strangest addition to my list and maybe unexpected. Sometime during my adolescence my family was en route to Christmas Eve, my father, who at some points seemed like he might have been the main character in crank – fearful of EVER being late, did some spirited tactical driving through crowds and and christmas-ey weather. This song just inspires a chuckle with me and my sister, and thoughts of wether or not there was a temporary NOS system in the Buick.


Keith- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

The tale of one of Christmas’ heroes! My only problem with the whole concept of the song is that Rudolph really can’t pull his weight on the sleigh, he’s kind of scrawny compared to the other Reindeers. You wouldn’t want to fly on a jumbo jet with 3.5 engines instead of 4. Also I’m afraid that technology might phase out the need for Rudolph, I can put a $40 surefire on another Reindeer and boom, artificial red light. If I were Santa, I’d probably grab a back up.

A magical Christmas tumor?

Jesus- O Holy Night

Two words: Josh Groban.  He sounds like a god dam angel belting out this tune.  What did he do?  Shove a choir of angels up his ass?  He had to.  There’s no other way something sounds so angelic.  And then there’s the Cartman version.  You know, it just depends on what mood you’re in.  This is one is overtly religious, and it’s not apologizing.  But as we all know by now, “Jesus is the Reason for the Season.*”

(* Was the reason for the season?)


Jesus- Mary Did You Know?

So let me get this straight, someone is asking if Mary knew her Baby Boy…

  • would one day walk on water
  • save our sons and daughters
  • soon deliver her
  • give sight to a blind man
  • calm a storm with his hands
  • walked where angles trod
  • is Lord of all creation
  • would one day rule the nation
  • was Heaven’s perfect lamb
  • is the Great I Am?

She didn’t even know she was pregnant.  She was a freakin’ VIRGIN.  How was she supposed to know anything about this child to be when she hadn’t even had SEX?!  An angel had to come tell her.  We’re lucky she didn’t off herself after the visit because that’s some crazy shit!  “I know you’ve never had sex Mary, but you’re pregnant.”  Of course she didn’t know any of this shit.  Are you kidding me?!

Keith- We Need a Little Christmas

This is the opening song to one of my favorite christmas special, A Muppet Family Christmas. Truly a call to arms for the Christmas season, a great song to play as you’re inevitably traveling back home for the holidays. I’m not gonna say much except that we all need a little more christmas … now!


Keith- Welcome Christmas (The Who Song)

Well talk about a powerful tune that has mostly made up words. This song not only is celebratory, but it disarmed the great Grinch and changed his whole position on the holiday and the village as a whole. How could I not pick a song with this kind of impact? Either way the nonsensical nature of it all always makes me smile and remember all those great years of being a kid and watching the animated version of Dr. Suess “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”

Welcome Christmas  …. bring your cheer!

Jesus- Merry Fucking Christmas

My Dad isn’t much into Christmas songs, but this one will certainly get him going.  Just click the link and watch the video.  It speaks for itself.

And now its your turn.  Let Keith and I know what your favorite Christmas tunes are and why you enjoy them so much!

5 Responses to “A CadaverBlender Christmas Musical”

  1. Sam

    It’s a very sad day that Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” was left out. Possibly the most rocked out to Christmas song in existence, often at all times of the year. I do not hold such expectations to such tastes above but still felt such a classic must be noted.

  2. Mary Jane/Mom

    I was trying to listen to these while at work but was not able to listen to the last one because I was at work. I will have to say that “We Need a Little Christmas” made me smile the most. Thanks for sharing these songs.

  3. Matthew

    Hate to burst your bubble Jesus (I’ve always wanted to write that), but…

    judging from your explanation, it seems like you referencing the English/Western version “Ring Christmas Bells” of the original Ukrainian “Carol of the Bells.” If you look at the lyrics, the original does not include the phrase “ring Christmas Bells.” I’m not sure if the music is the same.

    And here is “Ring Christmas Bells”…

  4. Matthew

    We Need a Little Christmas is damn annoying.

    Got to have a place for “Do They Know It’s Christmas.” Remember to tonight thank God it’s them instead of you. Whatever that means.

    I actually like the “spiritual” ones the best – What Child is This, O Come All Ye Faithful, and Angels We Have Heard on High.

    And I have a weak spot for Dolly Parton’s “Hard Candy Christmas.” It’s pretty ridiculous.

  5. admin

    From the all-knowing source, Wikipedia, of course:

    “An alternate English version (“Ring, Christmas Bells”) featuring more Nativity-based lyrics, written by Minna Louise Hohman in 1947, is also widely performed.”

    So same music. And I said I didn’t really know the lyrics and I generally hummed it, so “Carol of Bells/Ring, Christmas Bells”

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