CadaverBlender

The fireworks are due in a few hours and hopefully you’re not drunk yet … Today CadaverBlender presents its first super post! We’re tackling two great issues on what could be the best holiday of the year. First off, every great 4th of July event has great patriotic music, let us explain the best ! Then stay tuned for the best foods to serve at your 4th of July cookout! Why over extend the intro when theres so much to read!

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Best Patriotic Songs!

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#3

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Jesus – You’re a Grand Old Flag – Listen to this song and try not to hum along. It’s impossible. The song is so infectious. And how can you go wrong with a song that includes the lyrics, “Any tune like Yankee Doodle/Simply sets me off my noodle”. The song even manages to describe itself, “It’s that patriotic something that no one can understand”. The moment I hear this song I can’t but help scream, “America, FUCK YEAH!” What a great flag we have. More great lyrics, “I’m no cranky hanky panky/I’m a dead square, honest Yankee”. USA! USA! USA! Red, white and blue!

Keith -Â 50 Nifty United States – Alright you might be thinking, this isn’t a patriotic tune at all. You’re probably right, but how many of you can name all 50 states? Their capitals? Watch the video (or maybe another one thats slightly more polished). I’m not really confident most people can do it. Each individual state deserves a bow … Shout ‘Em, Scout ‘Em, Tell All About Them! Honestly this might be the most hoorah of all the songs on the list. On a side note, searching youtube for 50 Nifty United States is probably a pedophiles dream. How many retarded parents think its a great idea to film their kid singing and post it on the internet, maybe next you can start a myspace for them?

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#2

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Jesus – God Bless the USA– As a young child during Desert Storm I have a few vivid memories: night bombing of Iraq (looked like fireworks), Stormin Norman Schwarzkopf, and of course Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” (sometimes called “Proud to be an American”). It did well on the country charts following its release in 1984, but only became mainstream with widespread radio play during the Gulf War. If I’m taking a patriotic song that has some God blessing going on in it, its definitely this classic. While second verse takes on the pastoral feel of “This Land is Your Land”, this is a song about the battles that have been fought to keep America free. This song oozes patriotism (almost to the point of “I’m better than you!”).

Keith -Â God Bless America – While I agree that this song has been slightly overused since 9/11 I think its still one of the rare tunes that ties so deeply into American culture that I can’t avoid recognizing it. I secretly like it just as much as the national anthem … Its a somewhat easier song to sing and less lyrics to remember. Sometimes I think when they wrote The Star Spangled Banner they did not realize that nearly 25% of America is retarded (Ref: South Park). I do agree the song should be reserved for patriotic days and moments not baseball games, the 7th Inning is for Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

Did I link to a Canadian singing the tune? Absolutely! Who has more passion for American patriotism than a Canadian!

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#1

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Jesus – This Land is Your Land – Here’s an interesting fact that some of you may not know about this folk song. It was written by Woody Guthrie as a “Hey, fuck you!” to Irving Berlin’s “God Bless America”. And you know me, I can’t pass on a good “Hey, fuck you!”. A version that I particularly like is the live recording by Bruce Springsteen. Not overtly patriotic, the song gracefully describes the geographical splendors of this vast nation in a voice written for Everyman. “God Bless America” attempts to do the same, but it comes across with a hoighty-toighty attitude (and having to hear it ad nauseum post 9/11- EVEN DURING THE 7TH INNING STRETCH- has made it impossible to enjoy).

Keith – Stars and Stripes Forever! – This could have been nearly any John Phillips Sousa march in the top spot for me. Nothing like a rousing march to get patriotic juice flowing. I have some very fond memories of this song, during a short stint in band – Junior High (the Twisters don’t worry on another day I’ll rant on having an animated Tornado as your mascot). Talk about a solid closer though, no one who has American blood in them can resist a live performance of this song. It makes you want to get up and cheer and forget about all of the fucked up things going on in this country. Oh yeah, last but not least its the National March of the United States.

Honorable Mention: “Hail to the Chief”, “Fanfare of the Common Man”, “Taps”, “Our Country” – Who’s Country is this?

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Best Cookout Foods

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Jesus

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3. Hamburger– Again, simple, but thats what cookouts are supposed to be. I don’t need some fancy or exoctic food to enjoy my cookout. Fire up the grill (charcoal, thats the only way to grill) and toss some 1/3 lb. patties on there. And then theres to toppings (I like my burgers dressed, thank you): lettuce, tomatoe, cheese, onion, pickles, so on and so forth. Put that all together on a toasted bun and you have yourself a real, tasty, American meal.

2. Watermelon– It sounds simple, I know, but a ripe, juicy watermelon is about as American as it gets for me (more so than apple pie). Playing on the fact that Independence Day is generally a hot and humid day in Louisville, a refreshing slice of watermelon is a perfect way to cool down. It’s appeal may also be tied to how little I eat watermelon. Don’t get me wrong, I love watermelon, but its not like an apple that I can just pick up and eat. Nope, eating watermelon requires a lot of work (well worth it if you have the time), and generally I like other people to do the work. And with all those seeds, who knows when the conditions will be right for a watermelon to grow in my stomach.

1. Mississippi Mud– Just like the beef brisket served at Christmas Eve, Mississippi Mud is served only once a year- at the 4th of July cookout. Imagine the best cookie, brownie, cake, and dessert you’ve ever had, and that’s Mississippi Mud. The combination of chocolate, marshmallow, nuts, and more chocolate is almost too sweet to eat, but its not. There’s no doubt that its a great dessert, but I think some of its lasting appeal may be that fact that the only time I have it is July 4th. There’s no better way to finish the 4th of July cookout then by stuffing yourself with a huge piece of Mississippi.

Honorable Mention: beer (I know its a drink, but its still a cookout requirement)

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Keith

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3. Corn on the Cob – I don’t eat that much corn during the year, I don’t add it to my burrito at Chipotle, and in general if its creamed I can’t stand it. I have a weakness for corn on the cob though, especially when it is grilled just perfectly. It works with plenty of foods, requires diligent flossing afterwards – but thats all worth it when you can try and balance the corn on your weak paper plate as you pile on an extra serving of jello, baked beans, and whatever else seems like a great idea at the barbeque. The corn absolutely must be fresh. Oh yeah – I’m already sick of jokes about this study.

2. Pickles – Well this is a very personal pick, but for years my family grew lots of pickles and cucumbers every year. Lots of good memories because many meals included ultra fresh cucumbers that were very delicious. Even our dog, Leila, would steal the pickles and enjoy them – very strange to watch a dog devour cucumbers on a daily basis. Well what made the crop even better was when my Grandma would mix together a brine, let them sit for a few days or weeks (I can’t remember the time frame) and deliver back some delicious pickles. I remember loving these, she would even seal some in a mason jar so you could enjoy them into the fall. This is almost turning into a post of my favorite fallen foods.

1. Hot Dogs – Specifically Chicago Style – Wow this is one thing I desperately miss from the Chicago area, a nice hot dog with proper toppings. Mustard, Onion, Sweet Pickle Relish, Dill Pickle Spear, Tomato Wedges, Sport Peppers and Celery Salt and of course NO FUCKING KETCHUP. I also enjoyed a nice grilled hot dog, where the casing gets a bit crunchy. Legend has it that I eat far too many of these. I’d rather that instead of me rambling on about hot dogs you just enjoy one this weekend for me. Well either that or let it float down the curb for your homie who can’t seem to find anything decent on the East Coast.

Honorable Mention: Ice Cream!

One Response to “CadaverBlender Presents its First Annual 4th of July Spectacular!”

  1. Mom/Mary Jane

    I will have to listen to all the Patriotic Songs to find out which one is my favorite. Reading about the food sure has made me hungry. Keith, I agree about the corn on the cob, but Hot Dogs? Give me a break. Greg, someone was supposed to bring that delicious watermelon and didn’t so I guess we will have to get one soon.

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